6 Important Roles for Farm Wives And How to Rejuvenate Them

I wish you could have been there with me. Speaking to a farm couple, I could see her poke him in the arm as I said: “When is it your farm wife’s turn to get what she wants?” Older farm men hate it when I ask that tough question. They are very content to keep living on the home place, being in the center of activity and looking out for the daily details of farm life. Their loving and faithful wives of 40 or more years are not so keen on looking into the face of a farm stress mess. They were hoping that last harvest was their last crop on the farm.

As a coach, I’ve done a “roles storyboard” of my life to help focus on the key things I intentionally want to make happen for a more satisfied life. Here’s how you can rejuvenate your roles as well.

Rejuvenating Your Roles

Living with a focus on your key goals helps you make concrete, detailed plans to block off time for the important things you need…for you. Yes, this is about you. It’s about taking good care of yourself: extreme self-care so that your well is full in order for it to flow encouragement and energy for tasks that the farm team needs from you.

It’s also about creating a sense of harmony and not resentment when your needs are not being met. You are ready to execute actions in your six major roles because you have a plan. You know what you are going to start or keep doing, and what you are going to stop doing.

Six Important Roles of Farm Wives

Let’s take at look at my plan for the summer and see if you can fill in your own roles storyboard with visions and plans for what you want and need in each of the six roles you have.

Personal

After traveling to encourage farm families with succession, and eating too much baking, I have to move more. This means:

• The pedometer will be on my body every day to count 10,000 steps.
• I will “write what I bite” as I journal my food intake.
• I will journal in my diary every night before sleep in order to “brain dump the details” onto paper and get a good sleep.

Mindful eating, walking and regular exercise, and good sleep are my personal self-care goals.

Couple

Summer is an exciting time on the farm, and marriage time usually has to be squeezed into a quick morning hug and a 15-minute update while supper is inhaled.

What I want to focus on is making deposits of encouragement to my hubby and keeping things on the home front running smoothly. I don’t take tensions personally, and focus on helping to solve problems when the crop is the first priority. My attitude is one of gratitude for the privilege we have of being good land stewards.

My dating expectations are realistic: a ride together to check fields, and a quiet Sunday to refresh our tired bodies and engage affectionately with each other. At my coaching training retreat, I met a professional career woman who had “weekly” date nights, quarterly weekend romantic getaways, and yearly two-week vacations to keep her marriage singing along. We are not singing in the same choir obviously.

My challenge to you is, are you whining and nagging and complaining about the state of your marriage relationship? Or are you consciously building up the emotionally-wedded bank account?

My three key role goals for couple time are:

• To block off time on Sundays to connect.
• To turn off the TV and go for walks together.
• To look for specific ways to show acts of service to my husband so that he feels cherished. I know cards, gifts, and verbal affirmation are not his preferred love language. He likes action: the hot meals, the tidied office, and the willingness to run for parts.

Family

What are your plans to rejuvenate your family? I love family gathering celebrations. Farming always demands lots of time, yet we can all find time to show appreciation for hard work. Verbal and written affirmation via notes, cards, text, and Facebook messages go a long way to helping the family stay connected during stressful times. If you are sending a card of encouragement, take the time to tell the recipient how much they mean to you. Invite cousins to visit. Cook together with your adult children on rainy days when you can’t do outside work.

A long time ago I was intent on teaching our son to be skilled in the kitchen. It was on my role sheet as an intentional goal. He now is a great cook and likes to surf the internet for ideas for his next creation.

Work

I am ready to get my own affairs in better order, and feed the burn barrel. I have started a binder for our kids to grab if we are killed accidentally, or if something happens and they need to know how to carry on the business of life and farm. Ongoing cleaning of both my office and the farm office are a high priority because clutter drains energy and, as I age, I need all the energy I can manage. I also want to reflect on the financials of our personal wealth bubble and have some crucial conversations with our financial advisors and accountant.

Part of the resentment of women on farms is that their dreams also take some financial backing, and sometimes it seems that their goals are not given the financial backing they deserve. Income tax reports will also shine a light on your situation and what steps you might want to take to improve your financial well-being.

I’ll also grab flowers from my garden or shrubs to keep me company at my desk. Beauty creates energy. What treasures in your home can you re-purpose or re-arrange to bring you a sense of delight in your workspace?

Friends

Your true friends are the ones who show up on your doorstep or phone you, regardless of the “busyness” of the season. Women know that emotional support beyond the family is important. Gossip is not the goal; expression of needs and wants and curiosities that are held in confidence is what fuels strong, healthy friendships.

I am sad that many in my audiences tell me that they have no friendships beyond their spouses. What happened? Did you get too involved in the day-to-day demands of work? Did you expect too much of a relationship and forget that you need to reciprocate your inputs, that it’s an ebb-and-flow of give-and-take, rooted in a genuine care for the other’s well-being?

My closest friend from grade 8, a life-long companion, now lives two time zones away. Phone conversations with her are a healing balm and source of joy when I need a reward for a full day of activity. Because I am turning 60 this year, my long distance friend made a special trip to the farm, and that was fantastic! Connections are a key way to stay resilient, so nourish your friendships with an attitude of gratitude.

Community

In our spiritual community, we are responsible for nourishing our care group, which consists of young families and older seasoned folks. Because we have chosen not to work on Sundays, we have a guaranteed time for renewal and rest.  We can use Sunday to be part of our church family community and practice hospitality. We can keep meals simple with buns, cheese, jam, pickles, and fresh fruit. If you are extroverted like me, you get energy from being with other folks.

I have shared this practice with my clients, who don’t always think it is economically feasible to take a Sabbath rest. It works well for us and is the key to our rejuvenation.

“Oh Elaine, that would send my dad off the rails if we chose to rest on Sunday and not work!” Well, have you tried it? What is your health and family time worth to you? If it rains, there are likely lots of other jobs to do, but when do your brain and body get some “down time?” As entrepreneurs, we should be able to set some of our own timelines for the type of lifestyle that feeds our soul and fuels our passion.

Stop whining about the stress in your life, and start filling in your roles storyboard with personal, couple, family, work, friends, and community details.

Be rooted and grounded in love. Take care of you!