Blogs

Recently I was saddened by the passing of 3 folks in the space of one week with whom I had a connection with. I suspect many of you are grieving losses experienced in the past 22 months during this Great Pause. I want you to explore some new learning and consider signing up for the virtual Mental Health First Aid course. It’s easy to do, costs less than $150, and will give you more confidence to have supportive conversations with your family, friends, and the neighbour down the road who needs a listening ear.

Many long-time readers of this column will recall that I am a post-partum depression survivor who spent a good chunk of 1984 in a psychiatric ward healing after 23 ECT treatments as I was drug resistant to therapy. I also have walked the mental health journey with many family members and friends over the past 37 years, yet I knew I needed a solid framework in 2021 to be supportive and courageous.

My instructor was Ashley Breland, a social worker from the University of Saskatchewan who is working on her MSW. Her energy, enthusiasm, and honest vulnerability of her own mental wellness journey gave all of us on the zoom training the permission to share parts of our own heavy stories briefly in our breakout groups. We learned to confirm the skills of approaching conversations, listening without judgment, and being careful to use the language of empathy, not sympathy.

A farm family coach hears many heavy stories as families approach me for ways to get traction on their transition planning and have smoother conversations. If you are a supportive person who gives and gives, you may be entering 2022 in a depleted state. Breland’s training also emphasized the need for self-care when you are nurturing, and being a supportive listener to people who are struggling with mental health storms (everyday life), or the more complicated mental health disorders.

All of us go through storms, and 2021 was a doozy for weather stress, drought, price rallies, contract obligations, lockdowns, social isolation and many more. I would like you to consider investing 2 hours of your precious time in the pre-work for mental health first aid where you will learn the helpful language of reaching out to listen to others who have their own storms. Then you get to spend 6 hours in a day training with breaks to have insights into the difference between conversations that bring folks to making their own choices for further mental health care, and the conversations that stigmatize and are not helpful.

If you are full of heavy stories of folks around you managing depression, grieving a death by suicide, covid, or other losses, you really would benefit from training in mental health first aid. It is not your job to diagnose, it is your role to be a supportive listener, re-frame what the struggling person is saying, validate their feelings, and help them create options for their next steps. The course uses the acronym ALGEE as a reminder of the framework for powerful conversations and self-care. You’ll have to take the course to learn more!

Many first-aid folks are also managing anxiety, yet they have meaningful purposeful jobs and are willing to continue to support others in getting tools and resources to have a better mental health journey.

I own a full spectrum light which was purchased years ago for $200 from the Manitoba Mood disorder Association. (Google SAD lights or Happy lights ) .I turn it on in the morning on my desk to create brightness in the darkness of fall and winter. It also comes in handy for zoom calls to light my face, as part of my mini studio for virtual learning.

I journal and have committed to do this as a daily practice for better self-care because of my training in mental health first aid. For many folks, writing down thoughts, feelings, and experiences helps them process what is going on in their brains.

I unplug from my cell phone on Sundays and sometimes Saturdays. Getting off social media can be a brain stress reducer. Comparison can also be a joy stealer, so avoid your Instagram account and fast from it for a few days. See how you are feeling when you don’t compare your current life to everyone you scroll online.

Cynthia Beck is a suicide intervention specialist who also farms south of Regina. She has given me permission to send folks her way who are dealing with suicide issues, and you might want to reach out to her if this is part of your story. Her number is 306-436-7354. Her email is shineon@cynthiabeck.ca.

Grainews featured a story on Beck on March 2, 2021.

Intervening early in the mental health journey can create better outcomes, so having the skills to listen well, approach properly, knows local resources, and reach out to help create solutions for the person struggling can be a real gamechanger in our rural communities. Many of you know CPR and first aid to stop bleeding. Take this Mental Health First Aid training to really make a difference to your family, friends, and neighbours. Fifty percent of people will develop mental illness in their lifetime, and ALL of us have mental health storms in the journey of life.

I am curious if I have convinced you yet to sign up. I would like you to go to https://www.mhfa.ca/en/course and see which instructor appeals to you.

Let 2022 be the year you are compassionate, kind, and curious about the mental wellness of everyone you walk alongside. Know how to start conversations with “How are you really doing?” We are all human beings, and it is okay to ask others if they are okay. When we feel grounded and can handle things we are blessed with mental well-being. Use your well-being to be a safe person to listen to other farmers and families who are in storms, and possibly need a way to navigate heavier stories of a mental health disorder. You don’t diagnose, you listen and provide first-aid to get the person to the next step of professional help. You can do this.

Tell me you have signed up, and I will send you an e-copy of one of my 5 books, your choice. I am so glad I invested time in this course. I have more tools in my box to have meaningful and helpful conversations with farm families who have heavy stories. Join me.

***

Elaine Froese is a professional speaker and certified coach. Sign up for her insights delivered to your inbox twice per month. Invite Elaine to speak to your aggroup in 2022, virtually or in person. Let’s all walk the road of mental wellness together.

Did you enjoy Why I am glad I took Mental Health First Aid? You might want to check these articles out too:

Living the life you love as an aging farmer
How to talk to your Boomer Dad and Mom
It’s okay to ask for help

Fixing Your Time Stress Mess

60 minutes

Workaholics will discover helpful strategies for managing their time stress. Gain understanding for the tensions of your age and stage on the farm. Learn why some problems are not solvable, but just need to be managed as polarities. Self-renewing people are joyful and productive producers.

$15

Rave reviews

“A joy to work with, heard loud and clear. When the farmers laughed or asked a great question, I knew they were listening and really wanted to learn from her. Her tips were easy to understand. It was just about understanding that conflict happens, and to have the confidence in yourself to ask for what you want. In the glowing review from farmers after her presentation, I knew they had heard that loud and clear.”
Maddy Berner, Event Planner & Communications Coordinator, National Milk Producers Federation National Milk Producers Federation
“I wanted to say a HUGE thank you for your virtual kitchen table chat with Arlan Academy. My wife and I signed up as it was exceptionally relevant to our current journey with potentially transitioning to her parents’ farm. The session was able to cover so many aspects of these crucial conversations and hearing you speak to both sides of the conversation was eye opening for my own perspective on this topic. It seemed to be very well attended and sounded like there were many other people who would echo my thoughts and feelings on it.”
N. Oakley, Farmer, Ontario
“Elaine helped me allocate $1 Million of assets the night I listened to her. Elaine’s presentation brings value to the use of my services in my office.”
Don Forbes, Forbes Wealth Management
“I recently joined in and listened to your Healthy Farmer Agriwebinar for FMC. I truly enjoyed hearing your perspective and even went and grabbed my Mom, away from her work, to come and listen in on some of your main points as well! One area that really stood out for me, both personally with our own succession plans and with our clients, was your discussion involving "Instant Influence" and how ready are you to change? I loved this concept!”
Annessa Good, FCC Transition Specialist, Alberta
“Elaine Froese truly is the Farm Whisperer. With her big heart and stern resolve, she guides families through uncharted waters and helps them arrive safely at their desired destination. She has been there, done that, and has helped hundreds of families come out on the other side. With your family and your farm legacy on the line, you owe it to yourself to start this conversation. You do not need to do it alone. Let Elaine Froese guide you through. Your legacy is being written day by day. How will you be remembered?”
Tracy Brunet, Host of The Impact Farming Show & CEO of Farm Marketer
“You speak like you’ve been sitting at our kitchen table! You know our family issues well. I am feeling more comfortable understanding what we now need to do. Elaine Froese is real.”
Audience Member,
“I attended the meeting you spoke at in Stratford Ontario recently. We held an emergency family/farm meeting today because of issues that I had enough of. We used a 'talking stick' like you recommended and wrote a chart of rules. The rest of the family thought the idea that we needed a meeting was worth rolling their eyes over, until we got started. The younger ones were quick to clue in that they now have an opportunity to be bluntly honest. The older ones took a bit longer to believe they could truly say what they think. In the end, the meeting needed two sessions because there was so much to talk about… and so many things people didn't realize were a big deal to the others. Your lessons and encouragement have given us the tools we need to get to a better place in our relationships and our business. Truly thankful.”
Kim Martin, Dairy Farmer, Ontario
“Helped me develop my framework to start having constructive and meaningful conversations around the farm.”
Tennille Wakefield, Farm Partner
“Some great lessons, Elaine! You continue to do some remarkable and potentially life-changing work.”
James Mitchell, Principal, Conversations Consulting
“Our family had a good farm meeting yesterday afternoon. Your Fairness video was a great topic of discussion. One of the action items after the meeting was to have my two non-farming siblings watch the video before the next big meeting they are involved with on the farm. It will be a great conversation starter as we catch them up on our current plan. As they are younger, we also hope it will help them to ask new questions that may not have been on their mind.”
G.G., Farm Family Legacy Coach, Alberta
“Elaine gives me excellent tools that help me work with my clients!”
Laurianne Osmack, Financial Planner / Partner, Doell Osmak Wealth Management
“She has a sense of “knowing” quickly what is happening in the family dynamic. Her messages to her audiences drive home what needs to be done next to solve the complex issues of farm transition and conflict resolution.”
Audience Member,
“Eye-opening. Excited to open the door of communication with my spouse and farm family.”
Ashley Hoppe, Farm Partner
“The Strong Farms, Strong Families session gave farm families an opportunity to meet face to face with Elaine Froese... hear her own story, experiences and skill set. From this information packed session and related materials, families could identify areas of success in their journey and other places they need assistance. The greatest take away was that participants could see that Elaine Froese is someone they can trust with the things that they hold most precious.... their family and their farm.”
Nancy Atkinson, Nobleford Ag Society, Alberta
“Elaine’s real-life scenarios help her audiences know they are not alone, knowing there are creative solutions to help them get the life on the farm they have always wanted.”
Audience Member,
“A long time female client who had refined the art of procrastination was so moved by the end of your presentation that she accepted your permission to “drop the bananas.” She contacted me soon after for an appointment to do some planning which included the selling of the family “Century Farm.” A very, very emotional decision on her part that was not likely to have occurred without your presentation.”
Don Forbes, Forbes Wealthy Management
“I just have to say… that your work is amazing and I have never forgotten your teachings from our session in Williams Lake at TRU. It is super important work. I know so many people going through the trauma of succession. I hate to use that word, but I was an “out-law” and know it can get terrible. I continue to forward your emails on to others. Keep doing what you do! You are amazing. You kind of walk into the fire regularly… and with a smile. Proud to have met you.”
Megan, BC Rancher
“As my husband and I eagerly started the course we were optimistic and excited to be taking this next step in our Farm Transition. We were starting to question ourselves and whether or not we were just being selfish and greedy, and if this Farm Transition was still an option for us. We barely got through the first Module and were already having such a huge relief. As we moved through the modulus there were so many times that we just sat back with our hands in the air and thought YES. My husband and I would smile with relief because all of the concerns that we have been struggling with were relevant and came up in the modules. We really enjoyed the course and are excited to move on to the next stages to find our farm resolution.”
Shannon Gilchrist, “Get Farm Transition Unstuck” online course participant
“My hubby farms with 2 brothers and parents, and it’s become a really toxic place. No communication, no respect, etc. Twelve months ago, my husband’s brothers told him they don’t want to work with him anymore and offered him a pay out. His parents did nothing to stop it! He had no choice but to leave. Three months later, we moved off the farm and into town. He has been offered heaps of jobs and is now truck driving and carting hay and grain. We have tried communicating with his parents about what happened but they are not interested. So basically my hubby has lost his family. Very sad but we as husband and wife are overall in a good place and moving on to create our own life. Please continue on with all your wonderful work in helping families on the farm. I continue to tell any farmers I know about you, that they must ‘google’ you, and read your books.”
Donna, Farmer, Australia

Book Elaine
for your next event

Contact Elaine to start the conversation.

+1-204-534-7466 | elaine(at)elainefroese.com

Contact Elaine