7 Ways to Encourage Our Farm Fathers - Elaine Froese | Canada’s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition

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7 Ways to Encourage Our Farm Fathers

by | Jun 4, 2020 | Uncategorized

If I could show you a way to increase the family harmony on your farm and help you be more profitable at the same time, would you listen? Would you be courageous enough to look at your own issues, strengths, and weaknesses? I bet you would if it was easy. 

People problems on the farm are nothing new. The fact is many farm families are avoiding basic things that could make a huge difference in decreasing their stress levels and increasing energy for getting things done. The way to do that is to encourage the heart of your business: your people. And since it is June, I want to focus this month on encouraging our farm fathers.

[Tweet “It’s June and time to celebrate #fathers! I am challenging all #farmfamily members to use this opportunity to provide dad with extra #encouragement and #support. 7 great ideas in my latest blog post! #farming #fathersday”]

Here’s a list of practical encouragement, based on the work of Gary Smalley and John Trent, who wrote “The Gift of the Blessing.” I’ve added some practical tools as well.

7 Ways to Encourage Our Farm Fathers 

1. Praise and acknowledgment. 

praise and encouragement farm father image

As founding farm fathers age, they wonder what their new roles will be when their names are off the land titles, or they aren’t the main manager anymore. Forty years of farming earns respect in my books. Can you acknowledge your dad’s wisdom and praise him for his hard work? With the ‘Great Pause’ that we are in, the uncertainty of the future drives more anxiety. Gratitude is a good antidote.  Are you thankful for the “leg up” he has given your operation? Ask him what he thinks and honour his opinion.  All ages need affirmation. “I appreciate your input Dad, and I respect your years of experience.”

2. Drain away unresolved anger. 

You change air and fuel filters for better performance. How about getting rid of your anger filters and work towards conflict resolution?  Visit my website to get ideas.  Being angry sucks energy out of your being and decreases your efficiency as a farmer. What would you regret if you found Dad dead beside the baler? Father’s Day is a great deadline for forgiveness and extending the olive branch to seek true peace in your family relationships. Smalley says that unresolved anger “closes a person’s spirit. Prolonged anger can lead to depression, ulcers, or high blood pressure. These are just a few of the emotional and physical problems that can accompany anger!” 

Smalley suggests:

  • Become tenderhearted with your words; soften your tone.
  • Increase understanding by listening well and asking about the hurt.
  • Recognize the offense by admitting that you were wrong.
  • Attempt to touch, even just a squeeze on the shoulder.
  • Seek forgiveness from the one you have offended.

3. Give the inheritance of a good name. 

Give the inheritance of a good name image

What is your reputation worth? Are your actions adding value to the emotional bank account of your farm family? Are you proud of your behaviour and happy with your reputation? Being known as a “cranky old coot” is not my idea of success or legacy. I often tell families that you “get the behaviour that you accept.” If you are doing something to harm the good name of your family…what is that really about? Are you going to hold the offenders accountable for their actions, or just let the nasty actions slide? Many farm fathers are avoiding confronting the tough issues that are destroying their family’s reputation. The neighbours are not fooled. A bad seed doesn’t produce a bountiful crop. What weeds are choking your good name? Deal with it!  I agree with Smalley when he says, “our name is something that, no matter what, we will pass down to our kids, and it can either be a blessing or a curse.”

4. Take good care of your health.  

I received a lengthy letter from a young farmer with high blood pressure. He’s stressed by a farming brother who expects to be given a lot of assets, without doing the accompanying work. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Your health is your wealth.”  Encourage farm fathers and siblings to seek medical checkups to ensure they are on a good health track. Stop avoiding prostate tests and chest x-rays or heart tests. Your family doesn’t want you to be a martyr; they want a happy, healthy team player who lives a long, high-quality life.

5. Teach financial responsibility. 

Farm fathers have the hard work ethic down pat. Unfortunately, it can get out of whack and become workaholism, or avoidance of building relationships. Are you rich in relationships? Have you taught your adult children to work hard, live well within their means, and see money as a resource to be managed, not a god? 

Whatever your money values and whatever money means to you, it is driving your business decisions. Some farm fathers can’t wait to share their net worth with me, but they are less comfortable sharing the names of their best friends. They usually don’t have many in their emotional support group, as they have been highly focused on providing for their families and creating wealth. 

Teaching financial responsibility also means that folks earn their net worth and aren’t just given everything or have a keen sense of entitlement. With land values adding more zeros to the balance sheet, I see more greed in conversations. Have you thanked your farm fathers and mothers for their financial support? Are you demanding too much? How much net worth is enough?

6. Let go—avoid over-controlling.  

On coaching calls, I usually have a card that says “power and control.” This issue is a delicate one for farm fathers as they are afraid of failure and don’t know how to talk about it. 

Your dad may fear the large debt load you are carrying and how it is going to hinder your future flexibility. He fears that his role is not useful anymore, but so as long as he has some power and control, you will need to listen to him. He also fears that after 40 years of hard work and building up a business, you just might sell the assets and “cash in” in five years when the business is in your name. 

People have control issues for many reasons. Have some courageous conversations to discover why dad is having a hard time letting go. Assure him of your long-term commitment and dedication to the farm business and family legacy. Smalley says we should bless our children by allowing them to take positive control of their lives as they grow older. If you are over 40, with little control of your farm business, something needs to change soon!

7. Return words of blessing to your father. 

Here’s a poem by Adrian Rodgers:

This is for you, Dad for the father I love,

For the one who has cared all these years,

but has never heard enough about how much I care.

So, this is for you,

For the one who has helped me through,

all my children fears and failures,

And turned all that he could,

into successes and dreams.

For the man who is the wonderful example,

of what more men should be.

For the person whose devotion to his family, 

is marked by gentle strength and guidance

And whose love of life, sense of direction, 

and down to earth wisdom, 

makes more sense to me now,

than nearly any other thing I learned.

If you never knew how much I respected you,

I want you to know it now, Dad,

and if you never knew how much I admire you,

let me say that I think you are the best father

that any child ever had.

This is a note filled with love,

and it’s all for you…Dad.

Say the words. Write the note. It’s time to embrace and encourage our farm fathers. If you take my advice and share words of affirmation with your dad this June 2020, email me at elaine@elainefroese.com, and I will share a copy of my new e-book, “Farm Coach Insights: Tools for Better Communication.”

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2 Comments

  1. Ruth Mushumanski

    I lost my dear husband Dec.11,2011 11:00 A.M. my 4 children’s father and I am still on the farm. I still have my cattle but rent out the cultivated land to my 2 sons.They are over a year behind on paying their rent but am letting it slide for now and hope they catch up this year.They are more important to me than money. I am 76 years old but do not desire to move to town yet.I enjoy fencing and helping with the cattle . I love the little calves. I just love being in the country. They know the land will be theirs in time. Thanks Elaine

    Reply
    • Elaine Froese

      Hi Ruth,
      Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you have your basic income streams covered. As you are approaching your 80s it would be a great gift to your family to work out a collaborative agreement for the next generation to secure their ownership and equity in the ranch. Knowing the land will be theirs in time is a promise which can become a contract and let everyone sleep better a night. Where is it written that you will die before your sons? I urge you to have courageous conversations now, and work with a lawyer to secure everyone’s legacy and STAY rich in relationships. All the best. Elaine

      Reply

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