I love harvest time. The golden glow of waving wheat, the meals in the fields, and the joy of everyone on the farm team working hard to “get ‘er done!” 2017 is a stressful harvest for the folks suffering from drought, the after-effects of the 2016 delayed harvest, and a myriad of other issues. Regardless of what state your crop is in this year, I encourage you to reflect on the wisdom of Dr. Susan David who wrote the book, Emotional Agility.
Dr. David defines emotional agility as “the absence of pretense and performance, which gives your actions greater power because they emanate from your core values and core strength with something solid, genuine, and real.” She encourages us to articulate (talk clearly about) your full emotional truth. Align more of what you do with your deepest values.
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“Acceptance is a prerequisite for change,” she says. The 2017 harvest is stressful for many. Can you accept that this situation exists but not obsess about it? Dr. David defines “brooding as the ability to stew in your misery, endlessly stirring the pot around and around.” Brooding is not helpful as a “short term emotional aspirin” because it is not dealing with the source.
David also describes “bottling” where you push emotions aside to get on with things. Farmers who bottle are the ones I call “time bombs” because you are never sure when the next emotional explosion is coming.
Stressed out is not “who you are.” David writes: “don’t say I am stressed, step out and say ‘I am feeling stressed.'” Evaluate what the function of the stress is…what is it teaching you? Farmers who are under huge stress this harvest need to reach out to themselves to practice self-acceptance and self-compassion. The drought, hail, excessive moisture, is not your fault. Are you talking with your family about your financial fears? Have you communicated a new payment plan with your creditors? Are you taking good care of your physical needs for sleep and nourishing food?
Why are you farming? It is your passion and your business. You’ve seen tough times before. Can you acknowledge the emotions you are feeling this harvest and yet distance yourself from your emotions and connect with the your “why”? David says “in acknowledging, yet distancing yourself from your emotions and connecting with your why, you learn to unhook and keep going despite your fears. Courage is fear walking.”
Getting hooked happens when your internal chatterbox links with memories, visuals or thoughts that blend to deliver an emotional punch (ie. negative self-talk). Farmers who beat themselves up for not buying any or more hail insurance, yelling that continues when machines break down or cursing the weather are all examples of negative thinking that doesn’t create solutions.
Emotional agility means having any number of troubling thoughts or emotions and still managing to act in a way that serves how you most want to live. That’s what it means to step out and off the hook. When you have the ability to step out you can notice feelings with curiosity and courage, and create space between your internal feelings and your external options, and then let go. For farmers, this might mean being able to talk about your sadness of the crop disaster, write about the losses you are experiencing in order to process the financial failure, and then let go. You step out from the emotions of a tough year, and into meaningful action as you develop insight for what to do next.
Yelling, shutting down, and avoiding the courageous conversations you need to have with family and financiers is not the solution. I served with Farm Debt Mediation Services as a mediator for a decade. The common sense approach to managing financial stress is to talk to your lenders, do not avoid them. Work out new payment solutions together. Consult a farm management specialist who can help design a new cash flow path. See a doctor if depressive thinking won’t leave you. No matter what you do, it is important to take action.
“Thoughts and emotions contain information, not directions,” says Dr. David. People who are run by their negative thinking and high drama emotions are hard to deal with in family business. Here are Dr. David’s techniques for stepping out of your emotional hooks:
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1. Think process
- You want a path of continuous growth over the long haul. This harvest is not your “first rodeo,” draw on the wisdom of farmers who have seen this before.
2. Embrace and Accept Contradictions that Increase Your Tolerance for Uncertainty
- What are you doing wisely to manage risk?
- Laughing forces you to see new possibilities. Creating solutions is a very positive conflict behavior
4. Change Your Point of View
- Consider your problems from the perspective of someone else. A bad harvest is a “first world problem” not a third world one where people are starving. The ability to see issues from another perspective is a great skill to hone.
5. Call it out
- Identify your thoughts and emotions. Say “I am having a thought that is …” “I am having an emotion or feeling that is …”. Dr. David says “You have no obligation to accept your thoughts or emotions opinions much less act on their advice.
6. Talk to Yourself in the Third Person
- “Elaine, you are able to choose your actions.”
You value your family. Share your feelings and thoughts openly so they can help you. You are not what you do. Yes, you farm and harvest crops. When the crop fails that does not make you a failure. The art of living aligned with your values is what Dr. David calls “walking your why.” Your values are the cherished beliefs and behaviors that give you meaning and satisfaction.
Why are you farming? What do you truly value?
2017 may be a defining year for you to assess if you still want to accept the inherent complexity of decision making in agriculture. “Making choices, decisions, and negotiating relationships without a clear set of governing values at the front of your mind is taxing labor,” says Dr. David. Be emotionally agile. Unhook from negative thinking and step out to create new solutions.
I appreciate all of your blogs and your endless reason and common sense put into applicable governing principles to guide our daily decisions. This weekend we were faced with a difficult task under difficult circumstances to help my brother undergo a big move. My son did not understand why were offering to help his Uncle. I simply told my son that in life, there are times we must make the right decision and do what is right instead of doing what we feel in our hearts. At times, we must forget about past hurts and bitterness and just tackle a task and help another only because it is the right thing to do. Also, I told him that it we must do it with a proper attitude and focus on the task at hand. In life, we are not offered the opportunities for a “Do Over”. Today, is the day. It is not so easy for a 20 year old male to comprehend. That is why parents are needed to guide our children after 18 years old. The sudden and sad death of my sister 15 months ago taught me that life does not offer us “Do overs”.
I appreciate everything that you are doing for farm families everywhere. Your work and inspiration and practical guidelines are critically important to farm families. If Farm Families hope to survive and thrive, they need to apply your recommendations to their unique family circumstances. It is that simple and that important.
Thanks Michelle for taking the time to share your story. Your servant heart will be a good role model for your son and your family.
Blessings on your journey.