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Encouraging Farm FathersIf I could show you a way to increase the family harmony on your farm and help you be more profitable, would you listen? Would you be courageous enough to look at your own issues, strengths, and weaknesses?

I bet you would if it was easy.

People problems on farms are nothing new. The fact is, many farm families are avoiding very basic things that could make a huge difference to decrease their stress levels and increase energy for getting things done. It’s encouraging the heart of your business… your people.

Here’s a list of practical encouragement based on the work of Gary Smalley and John Trent who wrote The Gift of the Blessing. To further enhance these encouragements, I’ve added some practical tools.

Ways to Bless your Farming Father

Praise and Acknowledgment

As founders age, they wonder what their new roles will be when their names are off the land titles, or they aren’t the main manager anymore. Forty years of farming earns respect in my books. Can you acknowledge your dad’s wisdom and praise him for his hard work? Are you thankful for the “leg up” he has given your operation? He just wants to be part of the planning conversations when you are buying that new tractor. Ask him what he thinks, and honor his opinion.  All ages need affirmation. “I appreciate your input Dad and I respect your years of experience.”

Drain Away Unresolved Anger

You change air and fuel filters for better performance. How about getting rid of your anger filters and work towards conflict resolution?  Visit my website for some webinar training or read my blogs. Being angry sucks energy out of your being and decreases your efficiency as a farmer. What would you regret if you found Dad dead beside the baler? Father’s Day is a great deadline for forgiveness and extending the olive branch to seek true peace in your family relationships. Smalley says that unresolved anger “closes a person’s spirit.” Prolonged anger can lead to depression, ulcers or high blood pressure. These are just a few of the emotional and physical problems that can accompany anger!

  • become tenderhearted with your words, soften your tone
  • increase understanding by listening well and ask about the hurt
  • recognize the offense by admitting that you were wrong
  • attempt to touch, even just a squeeze on the shoulder
  • seek forgiveness from the one you have offended

Give the Inheritance of a Good Name

What is your reputation worth?

Are your actions adding value to the emotional bank account of your farm family?

Are you proud of your behavior and happy with your reputation? Being known as a “cranky old coot” is not my idea of success or legacy. I often tell families that you “get the behavior that you accept.” If you are doing something to harm the good name of your family…what is that really about? Are you going to hold the offenders accountable for their actions, or just let the nasty actions slide? Many farmers are avoiding confronting the tough issues that are destroying their family’s reputation. The neighbors are not fooled. Bad seed doesn’t produce a bountiful crop. What weeds are choking your good name? Deal with it!

I agree with Smalley when he says, “our name is something that, no matter what, we will pass down to our kids, and it can either be a blessing or a curse.”

Take Good Care of Your Health

I received a lengthy letter from a young farmer with high blood pressure. He’s stressed by a farming brother who expects to be given a lot of assets, without doing the accompanying work. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Your health is your wealth.”Encourage your farm father and siblings to seek medical check-ups to ensure they are on a good health track. Stop avoiding the prostate tests and chest x-rays or heart tests. Your family doesn’t want you to be a martyr, they want a happy, healthy team player who lives a long, high-quality life.

Encourage your farm father and siblings to seek medical check-ups to ensure they are on a good health track. Stop avoiding the prostate tests and chest x-rays or heart tests. Your family doesn’t want you to be a martyr, they want a happy, healthy team player who lives a long, high-quality life.

Teach Financial Responsibility

Farmers have the hard work ethic down pat. Unfortunately, it can get out of whack and become work-aholism, or avoidance of building relationships. Are you rich in relationships? Have you taught your adult children to work hard, live well within their means, and see money as a resource to be managed, not a god? Whatever your money values and whatever money means to you, it is driving your business decisions. Some farm men can’t wait to share their net worth with me, but they are less comfortable sharing the names of their best friends. They usually don’t have many in their emotional support group, as they have been highly focused on providing for their families and creating wealth. Teaching financial responsibility also means that folks earn their net worth, and aren’t just given everything or have a keen sense of entitlement. With land values adding more zeros to the balance sheet I see more greed in conversations.

Teaching financial responsibility also means that folks earn their net worth, and aren’t just given everything or have a keen sense of entitlement. With land values adding more zeros to the balance sheet I see more greed in conversations.

Have you thanked your dad and mom for their financial support?

Are you demanding too much?

How much net worth is enough?

Let Go…Avoid Over-Controlling

At the kitchen tables of many farms, I usually have a card that says “power and control.“ This issue is a delicate one for your dad as he is afraid of failure but doesn’t know how to talk about it. He fears the large debt load you are carrying, and how it is going to hinder your future flexibility. He fears that his role is not useful anymore,  but so as long as he has some power and control, you will need to listen to him. He also fears that after 40 years of hard work and building up a business, you just might sell the assets and “cash in” in 5 years when the business is in your name. People have control issues for many reasons. Have some courageous conversations to discover why dad is having a hard time letting go. Assure him of your

Have some courageous conversations to discover why dad is having a hard time letting go. Assure him of your long-term commitment and dedication to the farm business, and family legacy. Smalley says we should bless our children by allowing them to take positive control of their lives as they grow older. If you are over 40, with little control of your farm business, something needs to change soon!

Return Words of Blessing to Your Father

Here’s a poem by Adrian Rodgers:

This is for you, Dad for the father I love,

For the one who has cared all these years,

but has never heard enough about how much I care.

So this is for you,

For the one who has helped me through,

all my children fears and failures,

And turned all that he could,

into successes and dreams.

For the man who is the wonderful example,

of what more men should be.

For the person whose devotion to his family,

is marked by gentle strength and guidance

And whose love of life, sense of direction,

and down to earth wisdom,

makes more sense to me now,

than nearly any other thing I learned.

If you never knew how much I respected you,

I want you to know it now, Dad,

and if you never knew how much I admire you,

let me say that I think you are the best father

that any child ever had.

This is a note filled with love,

and it’s all for you…Dad.

Say the words. Write the note. Embrace and encourage your farming father. It’s time.

Fixing Your Time Stress Mess

60 minutes

Workaholics will discover helpful strategies for managing their time stress. Gain understanding for the tensions of your age and stage on the farm. Learn why some problems are not solvable, but just need to be managed as polarities. Self-renewing people are joyful and productive producers.

$15

Rave reviews

“A joy to work with, heard loud and clear. When the farmers laughed or asked a great question, I knew they were listening and really wanted to learn from her. Her tips were easy to understand. It was just about understanding that conflict happens, and to have the confidence in yourself to ask for what you want. In the glowing review from farmers after her presentation, I knew they had heard that loud and clear.”
Maddy Berner, Event Planner & Communications Coordinator, National Milk Producers Federation National Milk Producers Federation
“I wanted to say a HUGE thank you for your virtual kitchen table chat with Arlan Academy. My wife and I signed up as it was exceptionally relevant to our current journey with potentially transitioning to her parents’ farm. The session was able to cover so many aspects of these crucial conversations and hearing you speak to both sides of the conversation was eye opening for my own perspective on this topic. It seemed to be very well attended and sounded like there were many other people who would echo my thoughts and feelings on it.”
N. Oakley, Farmer, Ontario
“Elaine helped me allocate $1 Million of assets the night I listened to her. Elaine’s presentation brings value to the use of my services in my office.”
Don Forbes, Forbes Wealth Management
“I recently joined in and listened to your Healthy Farmer Agriwebinar for FMC. I truly enjoyed hearing your perspective and even went and grabbed my Mom, away from her work, to come and listen in on some of your main points as well! One area that really stood out for me, both personally with our own succession plans and with our clients, was your discussion involving "Instant Influence" and how ready are you to change? I loved this concept!”
Annessa Good, FCC Transition Specialist, Alberta
“Elaine Froese truly is the Farm Whisperer. With her big heart and stern resolve, she guides families through uncharted waters and helps them arrive safely at their desired destination. She has been there, done that, and has helped hundreds of families come out on the other side. With your family and your farm legacy on the line, you owe it to yourself to start this conversation. You do not need to do it alone. Let Elaine Froese guide you through. Your legacy is being written day by day. How will you be remembered?”
Tracy Brunet, Host of The Impact Farming Show & CEO of Farm Marketer
“You speak like you’ve been sitting at our kitchen table! You know our family issues well. I am feeling more comfortable understanding what we now need to do. Elaine Froese is real.”
Audience Member,
“I attended the meeting you spoke at in Stratford Ontario recently. We held an emergency family/farm meeting today because of issues that I had enough of. We used a 'talking stick' like you recommended and wrote a chart of rules. The rest of the family thought the idea that we needed a meeting was worth rolling their eyes over, until we got started. The younger ones were quick to clue in that they now have an opportunity to be bluntly honest. The older ones took a bit longer to believe they could truly say what they think. In the end, the meeting needed two sessions because there was so much to talk about… and so many things people didn't realize were a big deal to the others. Your lessons and encouragement have given us the tools we need to get to a better place in our relationships and our business. Truly thankful.”
Kim Martin, Dairy Farmer, Ontario
“Helped me develop my framework to start having constructive and meaningful conversations around the farm.”
Tennille Wakefield, Farm Partner
“Some great lessons, Elaine! You continue to do some remarkable and potentially life-changing work.”
James Mitchell, Principal, Conversations Consulting
“Our family had a good farm meeting yesterday afternoon. Your Fairness video was a great topic of discussion. One of the action items after the meeting was to have my two non-farming siblings watch the video before the next big meeting they are involved with on the farm. It will be a great conversation starter as we catch them up on our current plan. As they are younger, we also hope it will help them to ask new questions that may not have been on their mind.”
G.G., Farm Family Legacy Coach, Alberta
“Elaine gives me excellent tools that help me work with my clients!”
Laurianne Osmack, Financial Planner / Partner, Doell Osmak Wealth Management
“She has a sense of “knowing” quickly what is happening in the family dynamic. Her messages to her audiences drive home what needs to be done next to solve the complex issues of farm transition and conflict resolution.”
Audience Member,
“Eye-opening. Excited to open the door of communication with my spouse and farm family.”
Ashley Hoppe, Farm Partner
“The Strong Farms, Strong Families session gave farm families an opportunity to meet face to face with Elaine Froese... hear her own story, experiences and skill set. From this information packed session and related materials, families could identify areas of success in their journey and other places they need assistance. The greatest take away was that participants could see that Elaine Froese is someone they can trust with the things that they hold most precious.... their family and their farm.”
Nancy Atkinson, Nobleford Ag Society, Alberta
“Elaine’s real-life scenarios help her audiences know they are not alone, knowing there are creative solutions to help them get the life on the farm they have always wanted.”
Audience Member,
“A long time female client who had refined the art of procrastination was so moved by the end of your presentation that she accepted your permission to “drop the bananas.” She contacted me soon after for an appointment to do some planning which included the selling of the family “Century Farm.” A very, very emotional decision on her part that was not likely to have occurred without your presentation.”
Don Forbes, Forbes Wealthy Management
“I just have to say… that your work is amazing and I have never forgotten your teachings from our session in Williams Lake at TRU. It is super important work. I know so many people going through the trauma of succession. I hate to use that word, but I was an “out-law” and know it can get terrible. I continue to forward your emails on to others. Keep doing what you do! You are amazing. You kind of walk into the fire regularly… and with a smile. Proud to have met you.”
Megan, BC Rancher
“As my husband and I eagerly started the course we were optimistic and excited to be taking this next step in our Farm Transition. We were starting to question ourselves and whether or not we were just being selfish and greedy, and if this Farm Transition was still an option for us. We barely got through the first Module and were already having such a huge relief. As we moved through the modulus there were so many times that we just sat back with our hands in the air and thought YES. My husband and I would smile with relief because all of the concerns that we have been struggling with were relevant and came up in the modules. We really enjoyed the course and are excited to move on to the next stages to find our farm resolution.”
Shannon Gilchrist, “Get Farm Transition Unstuck” online course participant
“My hubby farms with 2 brothers and parents, and it’s become a really toxic place. No communication, no respect, etc. Twelve months ago, my husband’s brothers told him they don’t want to work with him anymore and offered him a pay out. His parents did nothing to stop it! He had no choice but to leave. Three months later, we moved off the farm and into town. He has been offered heaps of jobs and is now truck driving and carting hay and grain. We have tried communicating with his parents about what happened but they are not interested. So basically my hubby has lost his family. Very sad but we as husband and wife are overall in a good place and moving on to create our own life. Please continue on with all your wonderful work in helping families on the farm. I continue to tell any farmers I know about you, that they must ‘google’ you, and read your books.”
Donna, Farmer, Australia

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