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Finding A Life MateOver a decade ago I received a wedding invitation from a grateful reader. He had been wondering about how to find a wife, and he read my article on matchmakers. It worked. He wanted to share his joy as a farmer in finding a life mate.

There was a family farm case where the 25-year-old son was single, and his future choice of a life partner would have a great impact on the farm business team. The discussion around this human resource issue was lively as it was suggested that a single guy is not going to “troll the high school hallways” looking for a spouse.

Often when I meet with young leading edge farmers they want to know more about my matchmaking friend, Diane Mowbray. Diane professionally matches farmers to spouses. Contact her at 204-343-2475.

One fellow was pleased that he had met someone by getting out more to golf, curl, and play mixed baseball. He had made a conscious decision to get out and socialize at least once a week! Being intentional for this young farmer has paid off!

Finding and choosing a mate is a really big deal, and not many farmers want to talk that openly about it. My question “how attractive are you?” You’ll spend lots of money on researching equipment or crop inputs, but what time, energy, and focus are you spending on making yourself a great person to be committed to?

Making Yourself a Great Person to be Committed To

Love and appreciation

Do you know what your love language is? Do you need verbal affirmation, gifts, time, acts of service, or meaningful touch? Gary Chapman calls these the 5 love languages.

Listens and shares

We all need space to talk and feel like we are listened to. Would you consider personal counseling to improve your communication skills? Do you know your core passions and values? I have an online values indicator that I can set you up with for a small fee. Knowing what you value ensures that you are connected to another person with compatible values.

Cherishes the specialness

of the relationship and celebrates. People don’t like to be taken for granted. Take time to celebrate special occasions.

Balances work and family time

And knows how to have fun. It doesn’t surprise me that my friend found new love when he decided to have some fun with friends and get off the farm for a bit! Workaholics are lazy with relationships, and not very attractive!

Strong self-esteem

People who have strong self-awareness and like themselves are attractive to others. Read the book “Now, Discover Your Strengths” by Clifton and Buckingham to figure out your 5 strongest personality themes. It’s fun! Ken Keis of CRG also has some great self-esteem tools, go to www.crgleader.com. Call me if you ‘d like to do an online personal styles assessment. My style is “influential”.

Collaborates on conflict issues

with healthy family boundaries. Most 25-year-olds don’t want to be bugged about the fact that they aren’t married. The average age of marriage in Manitoba is 30. Can you talk about tough or sensitive issues with good conflict skills? A farm family business team that knows how to handle disagreements is more attractive than a fighting, “toxic” family.

Business mindset

Be someone who manages well. Farming is a roller-coaster of challenges, and you better be prepared to work as a team and stay for the ride, a long ride. How well does your date understand the farm business culture?

Lifelong learner

You are willing to grow, transition and change. You understand that the only person you can change is yourself. Embrace what Marilee Adams, author of Change Your Questions Change Your Life, calls “the learner mindset” not “judger.”

Support system beyond the marriage

It is a great day when a married person realizes that not all their needs can be met by their spouse. We all need supportive connections beyond the couple relationship. How’s your faith?

Knows money doesn’t buy happiness

Good relationships do bring joy. You can have extensive business plans and strategies, but it is less meaningful if you struggle with finding committed lifelong relationships.

Finding a life mate can be a challenge if you think that living on a farm is not glamorous. There are lifestyle issues, but finding someone who shares the same heart for agriculture as you do may take some perseverance and determination. Check out www.eharmony.com and take the personality profile. (Parents can go to this site to buy gift certificates!) Commit to finding ways to be an attractive life mate. Be intentional about solving your farm’s human resource problems.

I’m looking forward to receiving more wedding invitations! Work on your “ideal mate list” as you wait! And if your life path is to be single, that is okay, too.

 

Rave reviews

“A joy to work with, heard loud and clear. When the farmers laughed or asked a great question, I knew they were listening and really wanted to learn from her. Her tips were easy to understand. It was just about understanding that conflict happens, and to have the confidence in yourself to ask for what you want. In the glowing review from farmers after her presentation, I knew they had heard that loud and clear.”
Maddy Berner, Event Planner & Communications Coordinator, National Milk Producers Federation National Milk Producers Federation
“I wanted to say a HUGE thank you for your virtual kitchen table chat with Arlan Academy. My wife and I signed up as it was exceptionally relevant to our current journey with potentially transitioning to her parents’ farm. The session was able to cover so many aspects of these crucial conversations and hearing you speak to both sides of the conversation was eye opening for my own perspective on this topic. It seemed to be very well attended and sounded like there were many other people who would echo my thoughts and feelings on it.”
N. Oakley, Farmer, Ontario
“Elaine helped me allocate $1 Million of assets the night I listened to her. Elaine’s presentation brings value to the use of my services in my office.”
Don Forbes, Forbes Wealth Management
“I recently joined in and listened to your Healthy Farmer Agriwebinar for FMC. I truly enjoyed hearing your perspective and even went and grabbed my Mom, away from her work, to come and listen in on some of your main points as well! One area that really stood out for me, both personally with our own succession plans and with our clients, was your discussion involving "Instant Influence" and how ready are you to change? I loved this concept!”
Annessa Good, FCC Transition Specialist, Alberta
“Elaine Froese truly is the Farm Whisperer. With her big heart and stern resolve, she guides families through uncharted waters and helps them arrive safely at their desired destination. She has been there, done that, and has helped hundreds of families come out on the other side. With your family and your farm legacy on the line, you owe it to yourself to start this conversation. You do not need to do it alone. Let Elaine Froese guide you through. Your legacy is being written day by day. How will you be remembered?”
Tracy Brunet, Host of The Impact Farming Show & CEO of Farm Marketer
“You speak like you’ve been sitting at our kitchen table! You know our family issues well. I am feeling more comfortable understanding what we now need to do. Elaine Froese is real.”
Audience Member,
“I attended the meeting you spoke at in Stratford Ontario recently. We held an emergency family/farm meeting today because of issues that I had enough of. We used a 'talking stick' like you recommended and wrote a chart of rules. The rest of the family thought the idea that we needed a meeting was worth rolling their eyes over, until we got started. The younger ones were quick to clue in that they now have an opportunity to be bluntly honest. The older ones took a bit longer to believe they could truly say what they think. In the end, the meeting needed two sessions because there was so much to talk about… and so many things people didn't realize were a big deal to the others. Your lessons and encouragement have given us the tools we need to get to a better place in our relationships and our business. Truly thankful.”
Kim Martin, Dairy Farmer, Ontario
“Helped me develop my framework to start having constructive and meaningful conversations around the farm.”
Tennille Wakefield, Farm Partner
“Some great lessons, Elaine! You continue to do some remarkable and potentially life-changing work.”
James Mitchell, Principal, Conversations Consulting
“Our family had a good farm meeting yesterday afternoon. Your Fairness video was a great topic of discussion. One of the action items after the meeting was to have my two non-farming siblings watch the video before the next big meeting they are involved with on the farm. It will be a great conversation starter as we catch them up on our current plan. As they are younger, we also hope it will help them to ask new questions that may not have been on their mind.”
G.G., Farm Family Legacy Coach, Alberta
“Elaine gives me excellent tools that help me work with my clients!”
Laurianne Osmack, Financial Planner / Partner, Doell Osmak Wealth Management
“She has a sense of “knowing” quickly what is happening in the family dynamic. Her messages to her audiences drive home what needs to be done next to solve the complex issues of farm transition and conflict resolution.”
Audience Member,
“Eye-opening. Excited to open the door of communication with my spouse and farm family.”
Ashley Hoppe, Farm Partner
“The Strong Farms, Strong Families session gave farm families an opportunity to meet face to face with Elaine Froese... hear her own story, experiences and skill set. From this information packed session and related materials, families could identify areas of success in their journey and other places they need assistance. The greatest take away was that participants could see that Elaine Froese is someone they can trust with the things that they hold most precious.... their family and their farm.”
Nancy Atkinson, Nobleford Ag Society, Alberta
“Elaine’s real-life scenarios help her audiences know they are not alone, knowing there are creative solutions to help them get the life on the farm they have always wanted.”
Audience Member,
“A long time female client who had refined the art of procrastination was so moved by the end of your presentation that she accepted your permission to “drop the bananas.” She contacted me soon after for an appointment to do some planning which included the selling of the family “Century Farm.” A very, very emotional decision on her part that was not likely to have occurred without your presentation.”
Don Forbes, Forbes Wealthy Management
“I just have to say… that your work is amazing and I have never forgotten your teachings from our session in Williams Lake at TRU. It is super important work. I know so many people going through the trauma of succession. I hate to use that word, but I was an “out-law” and know it can get terrible. I continue to forward your emails on to others. Keep doing what you do! You are amazing. You kind of walk into the fire regularly… and with a smile. Proud to have met you.”
Megan, BC Rancher
“As my husband and I eagerly started the course we were optimistic and excited to be taking this next step in our Farm Transition. We were starting to question ourselves and whether or not we were just being selfish and greedy, and if this Farm Transition was still an option for us. We barely got through the first Module and were already having such a huge relief. As we moved through the modulus there were so many times that we just sat back with our hands in the air and thought YES. My husband and I would smile with relief because all of the concerns that we have been struggling with were relevant and came up in the modules. We really enjoyed the course and are excited to move on to the next stages to find our farm resolution.”
Shannon Gilchrist, “Get Farm Transition Unstuck” online course participant
“My hubby farms with 2 brothers and parents, and it’s become a really toxic place. No communication, no respect, etc. Twelve months ago, my husband’s brothers told him they don’t want to work with him anymore and offered him a pay out. His parents did nothing to stop it! He had no choice but to leave. Three months later, we moved off the farm and into town. He has been offered heaps of jobs and is now truck driving and carting hay and grain. We have tried communicating with his parents about what happened but they are not interested. So basically my hubby has lost his family. Very sad but we as husband and wife are overall in a good place and moving on to create our own life. Please continue on with all your wonderful work in helping families on the farm. I continue to tell any farmers I know about you, that they must ‘google’ you, and read your books.”
Donna, Farmer, Australia

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+1-204-534-7466 | elaine(at)elainefroese.com

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