Profanity Doesn't Pay! - Elaine Froese | Canada’s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition

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Profanity Doesn’t Pay!

by | Sep 21, 2013 | Uncategorized

A young farmer sits nervously on the couch with his partner and tells me that he can’t take working with his dad any more. He describes the “Boss” walking quickly across the yard, arms waving, with his voice increasing in volume and swearing the “F-bomb” at the young son.

Does the son swear back at the father? Yes, it’s the pattern he’s learned well over years of turning wrenches and turning off his listening to the tirades. He is not so sure he wants to be part of the legacy, and he may soon leave, forever.

What I have just described is killing farm businesses and I don’t see a lot of press about it. Profane language which attacks the person without working at the problem is costing you money.

How?

1. Your approach is shutting down effective communication, and therefore you are wasting time dealing with anger instead of acting on the tasks at hand. You are suffering from the effects of distracted management energy, and that costs you in efficiency and wrecked equipment driven by angry employees.

2. Your wealth going forward depends on an income stream from a profitable farm pumping out a great cash flow and a lack of labour  shortage issues. Swearing drives people into despair and creates fuel for their exit from the business. “Why do I work with this guy? Life is too short to be in a miserable workplace ! “

3. A tour of Dawson Creek and other busy oil or gas work camps will show you that the next generation has other career options beside the family farm. If your adult children decide to come back to the farm, they understand different management styles from their former employers, and they expect respect.

4. Being a labour magnet is a sweet position to be in when folks actually knock at your door looking for work because of your healthy workplace reputation. On our farm swearing and streams of profanity is not acceptable. We’ve had employees actually mention that this was why they wanted to work with us.

5. As the mouth speaks, so is the heart.  I listen carefully to what words are really reflecting as to the emotional condition of the farm folks I coach. A father who is swearing in frustration over a different work ethic in the next generation needs to evaluate why he is so stressed out, and de-stress before addressing the conflict in a calm, respectful, adult manner.

What is the cost of losing a successor who has been berated with bad language for far too long? I don’t know if you can put a dollar figure on family break-up and loss of relationship and working partners. It is huge.

I am also concerned about the angst of farm women who are over 60. They no longer want to be the “pig in the middle” soothing the emotional wounds of their spouses in conflict with their children. The profanity directed towards them is unacceptable, and wears down their senses of self-worth. Some women I meet are telling me they are tired of being the family social worker, and ready to find a new life beyond the farm gate, whether or not their husband chooses to come with them.

So, what is your plan to clean up your language or “potty mouth” ?

Check what comes out of your mouth after you engage your brain.

There are long term consequences for treating people badly on your farm team.

You always get to choose your thoughts, beliefs, habits, and actions.

You are responsible for your behaviour and your responses to others.

In conflict resolution we encourage folks to be responsive, not reactive. This means asking questions like:

“What would you like me to do differently?”

“Are  you okay? Do you want to talk about it now or later?”

“Have I done something to offend you ? I did not intend to be late. Let me explain.”

“May I make a request?  Let’s get some coffee and food, and talk about this sitting  down.”

“ Are you sure those are the facts? I don’t want to gossip. If you have a problem with her, you need to talk to her directly. You can work it out.”

“Words aptly spoken are like apples of gold in settings of silver” according to Proverbs.

How about a fresh start in cleaning out your mouth this year, so that the words you speak actually direct, teach, and affirm those around you, rather that adding fuel to the conflict’s already hot fire ?

By the way, I had my first audience member swear at me  last fall in ranch country when I mentioned that “divorce on the farm does not have to happen” and he responded with “what @%@%@ planet are you from?”  I was surprised, and saddened when I saw the expression of his daughter in law who was sitting right next to the profane man.

I don’t like to be the recipient of foul language, and I suspect you don’t either.

Choose your words carefully and reap the benefits of sowing more respect on your farm this year.

 

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