Whose Mouth Should Be Moving At Your Meeting? - Elaine Froese | Canada’s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition


Whose Mouth Should Be Moving At Your Meeting?

by | Sep 7, 2013 | Uncategorized

Many farm families are feeling a deep sense of guilt knowing they should be having business meetings, but they just don’t seem to get around to it. The key factor is understanding why you need to meet.

-Family council to explore how the family operates

-Succession planning

-Estate planning: wills, inheritance, fairness issues, legacy plans

-Advisers and suppliers meetings

-Human resources, operations etc.

Think about whose mouth needs to be moving at each type of meeting. Daugther- in -laws are typically silent when they want to avoid conflict, and don’t feel their voice counts. Son -in -laws may be the joint successors, and they also see the meeting process differently because their “fresh eyes” come from a different family style of communication. The other mouths you may or may not want to have open are the common in law partners of your farming children. Canadian law treats them as if “they were married” if they have lived together long enough. I treat partners and the in-laws as key players in the communication dynamic, and welcome them to voice their opinions at the meeting…with civility.

Is the meeting to navigate a family council for how you celebrate as a family ?

This meeting includes all family members whether they farm with you or not.  I know a family that meets annually with the farming and non-farm children to talk about the family vision and how the farm is doing. The non-farm kids use this as a chance to encourage the parents to let go of control, and applaud the efforts of the farming siblings. Go to www.farmcentre.com to order a copy of “Managing the Multi-generational farm” which is a great tool for distinguishing between a family council and a farm business meeting. It also helps for developing your family code of conduct.

Is the meeting to plan for the transfer of the business to the successor? This is a succession meeting and key players are the founders, successors, and their spouses or partners. The non-farm  heirs don’t need to be part of the initial succession planning meetings, but it is a good idea to include them in the communication loop as agreements are being reached. There seems to be a strong sense of entitlement in the country by non-farm heirs who believe they have a right to quota, cows and land !  As a farm communication succession coach I typically have conversations with all the children and include them in the initial key family meeting, so that they have a clear understanding of their parent’s intentions. Many folks can live with tough decisions when they clearly understand the “why” behind the decision.

Succession planning is a long process. One dairy family has the succession meeting monthly, which is different than the monthly operational meeting. Agenda items are collected on a white board in the barn office, and the administration officer farm family member keeps track of hot issues to discuss. Minutes of the meetings are emailed to all participants.

All family members need to have a voice in the estate planning meeting, as this is where the issue of fairness and inheritance expectations can be voiced. Ultimately the founders decide what they want for their estate plan, yet they will have a keen sense of what their children are feeling if the meeting gives everyone a voice. As a coach, I receive the minutes of the meetings to track the progress of the decision making and keep all parties accountable to act.

Another important meeting for grooming your successors is to include them in the meetings with your ag. lenders, accountants, and lawyers. Suppliers also appreciate developing a relationship with the next generation. I typically don’t meet with the equipment dealers, but when we are spending 6 figures on new iron I appreciate an informal update and expense justification from my spouse. It is a sign of respect for my partnership in the marriage and the farm business. (Read more about the women’s need to know at my blog “I’d just like to know…at www.elainefroese.com)

When you are encouraging mouths to open at your farm business meetings, you need to set down guidelines for respectful communication. An agenda before the meetings helps everyone prepare their thoughts. A talking stick, like my Beanie Baby® OX helps the holder speak their mind without interruption. The Ox is passed to the person who requests it, and all others listen.

Dr. David Kohl of Virginia Tech had a grad student discover that in over 400 farms across 6 states, the farm families that had regular farm business meetings were 21% more profitable. Communication that resolves conflict, deals with the people issues and pays attention to the financials of your operation is a wonderful thing.

I challenge you to see where your resistance to opening your mouth is coming from.

Is it your head not understanding the legal jargon or tax implications? It is perfectly fine to admit that you don’t understand, or need another explanation that makes better sense to you.

Is it your heart making you feel sad about letting go of power and control? Or is  your heart aching to find out what your daughter in law really feels about the family, but you are not at the point of trust yet, where she is willing to open up to you?

Is it your gut, your intuition guiding you with the impression that you just have to face your fears and do the meetings anyway?

Farm families can’t always manage meetings well on their own. That’s why the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors directory exists to help you find a facilitator to guide your discussions (www.cafanet.com)  I attend meetings in  person, on the speaker phone, and sometimes on SKYPE.

My bias is to include all the family as much as possible. One family who tried to meet without the spouses ended up with a huge conflict, and a tape recorder at the table held by an angry successor who refused to talk if he could not “tape for his wife”.

Decide why you need to meet. Meet regularly with great openness and a spirit of curiosity to find out what the other person is thinking and feeling, without judgment. I tend to be more inclusive of all family members, because I strongly feel that we all have communication filters, and it is easier for everyone to hear the message firsthand, than have it translated later by a  biased farming spouse.

The best feeling in the world is to have your intentions clearly understood with the love and respect of  the  entire family wanting to make changes for the betterment of all parties. Open mouths that resolve conflict respectfully are very freeing tools that you need to add to your business toolbox.

Have a great meeting.

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